IM HOME !!!!!!!!!!!!! #thatisall .

part 2

when do i ever stop talking?? never. lol. the other day i had duwayne call me to wake me up and i answered the phone in my sleep and continued to have a brief conversation with him… O_o and then hung up and “went back to sleep” ? #awkward. moral of the story: i never stop talking.

buuut i was gonna say i totally feel you on wanting new clothes and being poor ): i totally fucked up my money. I had $2,000 and spent most of it. I’m waiting for DuWayne and Antwan to pay me back. but I still have less than half of the money. I still do not know how to tell my parents, because I think that they were going to use that to pay for my room and board : \ I really hope they forget about it and I will just pay them back. I am trying sooo hard to be more responsible! But I keep fucking up. The good news is that I am gaining more and more motivation to do well in school everyday. I am ready for the new semester (but I’m not rushing break! ahh I am so happy to be back home!). As I showed you I switched my classes around from the Computer Engineering course to Art/Design stuff. So I think I am going to stay at Howard, but we will see. I am going to visit RIT some time this break and talk to a Zeta who has a degree in New Media Design and Imaging. So hopefully that will provide me with more direction.

The more I see bullshit on Twitter and the more I think about all the people that I left behind in Rochester - i.e. Alexis Land and then when the “Dream Team” (Layne, Johnny, Robert, and Carlton) were arguing on Twitter and Layne is clearly out of high school arguing with little ass kids… -_- Makes me want to do waaay better. I am going to be successful so I can look back and *shrug* at whoever didn’t make it. I guess that is where some of my motivation is going to come from.

Anyways. I already wrote enough and I’m sureee we are going to catch up when you get back. I love youuuuu *kisses your cheeek* xoxoxo

i love you alot.

I really miss you Lonnice : \ … I miss having you around to act foolish with. How you feel about Zahra is how I feel about Autumn sometimes, but when I went to NYC and we spent the day together I was happy ^_^ I really miss those days when we’d spend the whole day together and I talk your ear off! *chuckles*

I wanna say that I’m sorry for basically being rude, towards the whole relationship thing. I mean that genuinely. I guess from my prospective it feels like you have a negative attitude against relationships (but not other people’s relationships, just yours)… In my eyes I feel like you don’t want to be hurt and stuff… I guess being me and having my experience I just don’t completely understand and that’s fine. I apologize again. idk how to explain how I feel right now. I was lurking on your tumblr (as usual) and I saw you said that basically your feelings are guarded and I respect that. *sigh* idk what I’m trying to say, but I’m just going to have to be more understanding.

I notice that it is so hard for us to disagree on shit! but I feel like we are getting better about seeing things from each other’s point of view? possibly. lol.

Sometimes, I worry about us drifting, and I told you this… I guess I am just not used to the whole change: not seeing you all the time and not speaking to you all the time… but the distance makes the time when we do see each other and speak all the more special <3

I can’t wait to see you !! <3 I loveee youuu. 

this long ass title because im bored & slight sleepy sitting up with nothing to do

im sitting here in my room watching these two be high . that high life . that i dont live .

anyway im just gonna post any random shit that comes to mind . nothing important unless it comes up .

i want some new clothes . there’s shit that i seen but i been poor right now so i cant get all that i want . i know that i like scarves now . but not the winter ones that you get matching hat and gloves with but nice scarves . i like crosses too . there’s some things ima get when i come back from christmas break if i save up from working . i want some camo pants and some more leggings and green cargoes too . i want some blouses too .

i always want more sneakers but thats nothing new . i dont really want anything new . i do want the bred 11s and maybe the cool grey 9s .. but i still want the bordeaux’s and black cements and flint 7s .. like yeaa ..

i downloaded mad music before i came home for thanksgiving . but when i try to put my CD’s on iTunes they sync stupid which be pissing me off so i deleted them off. 

i want my belly ring back =/ like i really miss it . i dont want a tattoo but i been thinking about what i would get if i was to get one . most likely sumthn relating to jamaica and bob marley .. i would get a quote from one of his songs .. i would sumthn about my family too . i thought about bestfriend tattoos too .

im tired . but ima keep on typing .

this is important . so the other day when we were talking about the alphas and you made the statement about it getting old on regards to the way i feel about relationships, i let it go cause it’s not that serious but i did feel some type of way . especially about the getting old thing and the fact that it bothers you about how i feel about relationships . even prior to this i noticed you tweeted something in regards to what i had said earlier which had really irked my nerve but thats whatever . i understand you may feel some kind of way about how i feel and thats whatever but i feel like you dont respect it and i dont like that . regardless of whether you agree with it or not , you should at least have respect for it . no matter how i feel its not like i go around bashing people in relationships and saying that people are stupid for being together or i never try to discourage my friends from one . how i feel is how i feel . i’m not gonna change it cause you dont like it but if it bothers you so much then i just wont mention it around you . i really hate when stuff like this comes up because i know we are not gonna agree which is perfectly fine , but sometimes i feel like you only see your way and you think thats the right way and you dont look at things from other people’s perspectives . or sometimes i feel like you think you’re more experienced or have a better outlook on things & that really bothers me .. but this isn’t anything new because i have said this before . i dont need to go on & on cause there’s simply no need but i just had to get that off my chest . im not upset or anything , i was just bothered because i didnt feel you were giving me the respect that i was giving you . thats all . 

im ready to come home & glad this is my last week of classes . i only have two in class exams which will be fairly simple . i like st johns and the city . im still a lil worried about my financial aid but i think it will all work out . i cant believe the first semester of college is done .. i still have the countdowns on my phone so when you look at the days it really hasn’t been that long but this shit goes fast . i hope you find whatever it is you need to find to help you get focused . you have so many dreams and things you wanna do & i know you can do them .. i’ll be there by your side the entire time .

i think i have ran out of things to say .

but this is all . 

i love you tempest . 

goodnight . 

in response ..

i should be typing a paper right now for a presentation in my philosophy class which i have in the morning but instead im doing the bullshit . i been procrastinating a lil bit but ill get it all together this weekend cause i was doing good so far so i cant fuck up right now . especially with this bull with my financial aid and whatever the case may be . i have goals that i plan to accomplish and school is my only way there so i gotta get right , real fast. 

i had a few things to say but because im tired i’ll tell you some other time .. whenever that happens to be . i dont feel like we’re drifting . i know we dont talk everyday & thats fine with me . for me i dont have to talk to you every day to know that you’re still my best friend . yea we dont talk as much and yea i dont know everything thats going on with you and vice versa but its cool , well for me . going to different schools did have an impact on that but i dont think i would want us to go to the same school anyway , not saying that you said that but yea . you know how i am about missing people and all that stuff but it doesn’t bother me not talking to you all the time , especially after we stopped talking on the phone . yea i miss you from time to time but if i talk to often then theres no need . i mean if you wanted to talk to me more then you could but yeaaa … * shrug * im not stressing .. i dont feel no different about anything . at the end of the day you’re still my bestfriend & i love you just the same . 

there isn’t anything new to tell you .. not right now . but yeaa ..

::deep sigh::

it has been a L  O  N  G eventful semester. I am done with my classes, and I only have exams left. I need to study, study, study, so that I can pass at LEAST my math (Calculus I) and my english (Freshman Comp) class. These are pre-reqs for two classes that I’m enrolled in next semester. As you already know I have been fucking up as usual. I really want to change my “usual”. I want to be a good student. Sometimes, I feel like I do not know how to be a good student. I am not trying to make excuses for my actions but more of trying explain why they are happening so I can fix the issues and do better.

Anyways, I am really seriously considering transferring to RIT. But part of me feels that my mom may not let me because of money and the fact that I am slacking now could mean that I might still slack there and she probably would not want to waste money. I wish I had a really good job and a way to get some of the money back so I could pay my parents back. I am considering selling more of my shoes to show that I care about my future and that I am trying to do better. *sigh* I wish there was a better/easier way to live life, but then I guess that would not be life, now would it?

If I transfer, I am thinking about going into New Media, Photography, Computer/Software Eng and/or Computer Science. I made a paper with all the difference options I have at RIT and at HU and some of the companies I would potentially want to work for in the future. 

But anyways, enough about me. I really wanted to say something, get something off my chest again… I am not mad or stressed about it (anymore) and I probably should do a better job about getting my feelings out earlier than later, but a lot of times I feel like I am over-reacting; but at the same time I feel like I’m justified. (enough of this build up) I hate that we are drifting apart, or so it feels to me. I feel like I am missing out on a large part of your life. I understand that we are miles apart but I feel like we do not talk as much as we could and should. I also do not feel like either one of us puts forth enough effort. I will not say that I am ‘OKAY’ with it, but what can I do? As I write this we are texting but we will see. I really wish I could have seen you over Thanksgiving Break, I thought I was going to be able to but that never happened, but it is over and done with. ::shrugs::

I love you Lonnice.